Introduction:
My name is Joaquim Pires. I am second year Novice from East Timor. I am a born Catholic. I am the youngest of a family of four brothers and four sisters. I grew up in a home where we prayed the family Rosary daily and attended Mass weekly. My parents also taught us to respect our elders, the priests and nuns, and our culture. We were also taught to help the poor, welcome strangers, visit the sick because Jesus is present in all these people .

My first understanding about the Jesus
One day, when I was four years old, and when my parents were not around, I wanted to put in to practice what my parents taught me about strangers. So, I invited everyone who was passing by to our house and served them coffee. My parents then returned and my father wanted to drink some coffee. However, my mother found all the coffee jars empty. She got upset and shouted out at me, “What happened to all the coffee?” I was very scared. I told her, I gave them all to Jesus. How? She asked. When I told her what I did, she just smiled. This was my first lesson on Jesus.

When I was in the third year of my primary, I was an altar boy. However, this did not last as I soon began to be influenced by bad company. I stopped going to Mass, picked up smoking and drinking alcohol and my bad friends even forced me to steal my mother’s chickens. My poor mother was praying for me to be a good boy and was crying daily for me. My dad was so upset with these attitudes of mine. He continued to advice me to be a good boy and focus in my studies. Many times I did not even go to school and was often punished by my teachers. However, every year I would somehow be the best student in my class and even in my school. I became the model for all students in studies, but never for my bad behaviour and attitudes.

God answered my mother’s prayers through my friends

Three years later, for my primary six, I met some students from Salesian Pre-Seminary School. I joined them for their activities, but when the times for prayer came, I would always make excuses for not joining them. However, I was touched by the student’s kindness. They changed their strategy and made a new rule that they would have prayers before activities, and that those who do not join in the prayers are not allowed to join in the activities. I had no choice. So, I joined in their prayers.

One Sunday, I told my mum that I wanted to go for Mass with her. When she knew I was serious, her eyes were filled with tears and while she was hugging me, she kept thanking God for answering her prayers. After Mass, I told my mother that I wanted to study in Seminary. Wahoo, the poor mother was shocked and overjoyed by the good news. Her joy was beyond words. However, being the only and youngest son at home, my father would probably not allow me to join the seminary as he wanted to see me every time. My poor mother was again in tears and praying daily for my father to allow me to join the seminary. In the end he agreed. I learnt a lot of good things in the Salesian pre-seminary.

After I graduated from the Salesian Pre-Seminary, I joined the Diocesan Seminary. During the one and a half years of formation at this diocesan seminary, we attended school at the Jesuit run St Joseph High School. For the first time, we were mixing and studying with girls. With these girls around, I began to be behave badly again. I had desired wanting to be a diocesan priest, but I would sneak out at night with my friends. I began to smoke, drink and party a lot. I had a girl friend too. And the end I discerned that it was not my vocation, so I left. But, when I left the seminary formation, my girlfriend also left me. If I was not good enough for the seminary, I was also not good enough for her.

After I left the Seminary, I lived with my aunty. There I really enjoyed the worldly life styles, I told myself I would never ever think of the priesthood vocation again. I stopped going for Mass even though it broke my mother’s heart. I became more delinquent and did not care about my parents. But, since they still loved me they kept praying for my conversion. My aunty was a very prayerful women and deep faith in God. In her 24 years as a widow she always does a lot of good to everyone. I was deeply touched by her life and little by little I began to change my bad attitudes.

One day, I fell very sick and could not even go for my school examinations. My mother invited a priest to come to my home to hear my Confession. During the Confession, I experienced very a very deep spiritual consolation. I felt God had forgiven me of all my sins and I would be at peace, even if I were to die that day. As I could hardly speak, due to my illness, I prayed silently to Mother Mary and asked for her guidance. My health improved gradually. My parents were always there beside me throughout the three and a half months of my illness, until I was completely healed. I really experienced God’s love in them and understood how my parents loved me so much. I promised myself that I will never make them upset again. I will make them to be proud of me.

Soon after that, my father fell sick. I was very sad. I in tern remained by his badside all the time he was he was in the hospital. I could see how my presence brought him much happiness and joy even though he was very sick. So, he kept telling me that he would be fine. I prayed very hard for him to get well. However, one month later, he died in the hospital. I was very sad, confused and hopeless about life. I started to blame God and asked ‘God, where are you?’ in my pain and suffering, I started smoking and drinking again even though I knew that would not solve my problems. I decided not to continue my studies. I became proud and did not want to listen to anybody.

One night, I dreamt of my father. He told me, “My son, if you love papa, you should go back to your studies.” Next morning, I shared my dream with my mother. I went back to school and since then became a good boy. I did not want to upset my father again. I also went for Mass often and prayed daily for my father’s soul. I wanted to be a good boy, but not a priest as I am too much a sinner. When the second semester began, I found a new girlfriend.

God changed me in using the book about the life of St. Ignatius
During one semester break, I went to our school library and a book on the shelf caught my attention. It was entitled, “The life of St Ignatius”. I picked it up and started reading the back cover of the book thinking it was a book on humour. I immediately became very interested in it as it said, “Ignatius was a sinner and became a holy man of God.” I told myself, “that’s strange!” I became more curious and read more of the book and this lead me to see the headmaster of my school, Fr Eduardo Doppo,S.J. and asked him to be my Spiritual Director. He explained to me, how a Jesuit is a sinner, yet called to serve God and His people. I soon applied and was accepted into the Jesuit Candidacy programme in Dili. My family could not believe that all these things were happening to me.

My candidacy program helps me to discern more my vocation to the Society of Jesus
As a candidate, I leant more about the Society of Jesus. I learnt how to pray and served the poor during the weekends, in the Jesuit ways. I was also very inspired by the Jesuit scholastics and Priests. During my holidays, I returned to my hometown, but would spend my time, with my friends, organising activities for the youth who did not go to church. When my past bad company friends saw the big change in my lifestyle, they returned to the Church.

I was challenged and God heals me

In the Candidacy programme, I was happy and was eager to apply to join the Jesuit novitiate. However, I got sick. My lungs were swollen due to the heavy smoking and drinking. The Jesuit in-charged of the Candidacy Programme told me that if I did not get well, I had to leave the programme. The doctors told me that my illness will take a long time to cure. I was desperate. So, I prayed to Our Lady and St Aloysius Gonzaga (the Patron saint of pre-novices.) Two weeks later, my medical check-up showed that all my sickness had gone. The doctors asked me, “What medicine did you take?” I told them, “No medicine. Only God’s blessings.”

Novitiate life
I have been here for the past 22 months. Life in the novitiate has been very challenging and fulfilling for me. One of the most important thing I learnt is openness. I never knew this before. I have learnt that if I am open to God, myself and my Novice Master, I will also begin to experience God’s presence more fully in my daily novitiate prayer life, community life and the programme of Long Retreat, apostolic activities and Pastoral Experiments.

As I open my heart to God, I would also find that in the challenges and struggles of my vocation, I would also find the peace, joys and happiness of my vocation. When I first stepped into the novitiate, I was frightened by Fr Heng’s two big eyes, that I thought could see deep into my heart. Now, I have come to realise that actually, Fr Heng’s heart is bigger than his eyes. Fr Heng has helped me a lot in the growth of my vocation. His challenges often come through his homilies and during my Spiritual Direction with him. The Holy Spirit really works through him especially when I am experiencing the struggles of my vocation. Through our novitiate Physical, Psychological and Spiritual Integration programme I have discovered and have come to accept myself more fully and healthily.

Of course I would never forget my cheerful Father Socius whose presence always brings joy and happiness to my life. I have also over the past 22 months met many Jesuits and this gives me the wonderful experience of what it is to be “friends in the Lord.” Meeting and knowing Lay people like yourselves too have enriched my life and vocation tremendously. In all of these experiences, I have come to learn to love my vocation more and I look forward to the day that I will be able to serve God’s people more fully.

Thank you and God Bless,

Joaquim Pires, nSJ

Links
· Choosing a Vocation
· More Vocation Stories
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