Introduction

My name is Jerome Leon and I am 41 years old. I am what you might call a late vocation. But I am also a “young” Catholic, as I was only baptized in 2004. However, the Catholic faith has been part of my family even before I was born.

Faith – The Beginning

In the 1960s, my family lived near the Canossian convent where my sisters studied. The Canossian nuns befriended my mother and started giving her instructions on the faith. But it took her more than 25 years before she was baptized. Although we were not Catholics when I was a child, I fondly remember my mother praying the Rosary in Cantonese every afternoon. Perhaps this is why I have always identified myself with Catholicism.

When I was about 8 years old, my older sister, Eunice, became Catholic. She became an active member with the Society of St. Vincent de Paul. I would always listen intently when she recounted her many experiences in helping the poor and needy. Eunice and her Catholic friends also started giving tuition to poor children on weekends. She would drag me along to her tuition classes. Soon, I became friends and played with some of the students. I felt sorry for them and the hardship they had to endure. All these experiences made deep and lasting impressions on me and I developed the desire to help others. These experiences also influenced the way I would come to see the Catholic faith, which is one of service to the poor and needy.

The Lost Years

When I was an undergraduate, I sometimes attended Mass with my Catholic friends. Although I did not fully appreciate the beauty or meaning of the Eucharist, I enjoyed being there. However, I somehow had no desire to learn more about the faith. After my mother was baptized, she regularly urged me to become Catholic too. But I was reluctant to follow her advice as I was afraid that committing to a religion would dampen my carefree life.

Like many other Singaporeans, I started building my résumé and bank balance after graduation. However, I was never truly happy or contented. I felt the Singapore environment stifling me, and I needed a change. A few years later, I was offered financial support to do postgraduate work in New Zealand. Without a second thought I left for New Zealand. Do you know why? I wanted to go find myself.

The years I spent studying and working in New Zealand were very enriching. I adapted well to the Kiwi lifestyle. I also experienced my first and only romantic relationship there. But in the end, I still did not find myself.

My Conversion

My conversion to Christianity began in 2003, upon returning to Singapore. One day, my best friend had invited me to his parents’ housewarming party. During the party, his mother, Auntie Helen, strongly urged me to attend the RCIA programme in her parish. I had no wish to attend the programme, but to spare her the embarrassment, I agreed. I thought that she would later forget the matter. However, word got to me three months later that she had registered me and I was expected in class the following week. I panicked for I didn’t know what to do! But in the end, I did not want to disrespect and upset Auntie Helen and I reluctantly started attending the RCIA. It was one of the best things that had ever happened to me. Over the course of the programme, God’s loving presence slowly touched my heart and I gradually developed a personal relationship with Jesus.

Call and Response

A few weeks before my baptism, the Holy Spirit moved me so deeply that I resolved to serve the church more actively, but only as a lay person. Two days before my baptism in 2004, my fellow elects and I went church visiting on Holy Thursday night. Our first stop was the Church of St. Ignatius. While everyone was admiring the new church building, I was somehow very attracted to a simple poster with the caption “Sinners yet Called”. These words touched me deeply and over the next few weeks, I had a strong urge to contact the Jesuits. I was reluctant to do so because it all seemed illogical. I didn’t know anything about the Jesuits. But still, I prayed to God for His guidance. On the third Sunday of Easter, while praying before Mass, I felt the intense love of God for me and a strong desire to respond to His love. These feelings were so intense that I started sobbing. Those around me stared at me and wondered what was happening. It became quite clear that I had to contact the Jesuits but I remained nervous. In my first email to Fr. Heng, I wrote, “Dear Fr. Philip, you may think I am crazy, but I think I need to contact you”, hoping that by claiming insanity, I would be ignored. But to my surprise, Fr. Heng contacted me a few hours later and we arranged to meet.

After talking to Fr. Heng, I realized that the apostolic charism of the Society of Jesus appealed to me tremendously. He advised me to get involved with church ministries to test and challenge my calling. I joined the SSVP at my parish. I also started going for food distribution with the SSVP of St. Ignatius church. Later, I started Sunday apostolate with Jesuit novices at the SILRA, the Singapore Leprosy home. I found great consolation when I was doing apostolic work. These experiences reminded me fondly of the times I befriended the poor children my sister was tutoring. They also helped me deepen my relationship with God. I started to become more aware of my own shortcomings and more determined to become a better person. Slowly, it became clearer to me that being available to serve God and His people is my true calling.

My discernment took more than two years and it was not easy. I had to cope with work commitments and fight the distractions of the secular world. I also found it difficult to have a prayer life. What made matter worse was that I had to make frequent business trips overseas. However, I remained focus on God. Wherever I went, I made it a point to find the nearest church to attend daily Mass. Finally, in August 2006, I felt ready to commit myself totally to God. After consulting Fr. Heng , I decided to seek entry to the Society of Jesus.

Fr. Heng had suggested that I informed my parents about my decision before applying. I knew that my mother wouldn’t object. However, I feared that my father would object very strongly as he was suspicious of all organized religions. I procrastinated for a whole month. Before speaking with my father, I went to the adoration room and prayed for God to open his heart. When I broke the news to him, his reaction came as a great surprise. He was calm, composed and he gave me his blessing. When I told my mother and Fr. Heng what had happened, they were overjoyed, as they could see how God had touched my father’s heart.

Six weeks after I submitted my application to join the Jesuits, the most unexpected happened; my father passed away very suddenly in his sleep. I was the last person to see him alive. His death saddened me deeply but I tried to remain composed. While visiting Kingsmead Hall three weeks after his death, emotions overwhelmed me and I started crying.

I had no time to mourn my father’s death because of heavy work commitment. I confided in my mother that I wish to quit my job as I needed time to grieve. But she advised me to persevere. She reminded me that a good priest would persevere even under extreme pressures. I took her advice to heart and not only continued in my job, but also in the church ministries and Sunday apostolate. When I had free time, I would pray for my father. On reflection, I really believe that my mother’s advice was very sound and that God was testing me.

New Chapter

I entered the Loyola Jesuit Novitiate, in Singapore, on 11 April 2007, to begin a new chapter in my life. At about noon that day, just as I was preparing to leave my home for the Novitiate, it suddenly dawned on me that my decision to join the Jesuits was perhaps one big mistake. Even though I knew that I have made the correct choice, the realization of the gravity of this decision, made me feel uncertain about it. I prayed for courage and managed to make my way to the novitiate.

I confided in Eunice, my sister, of my nervousness, when she visited me a few days later in the novitiate. She smiled and told me that she felt exactly the same way on the night before her wedding. She added that even though she has been married happily for twenty years, she still has to work hard at maintaining the marriage. Likewise, she expects no less from me in living my religious vocation. The short chat with Eunice helped me put things into perspective and allay my fears. I believe that God has sent her to assure and affirm my decision.

It has been eighteen months since I entered the novitiate. I was worried that I would have a difficult time adjusting to a religious life in the novitiate. But by the grace of God, and with the patience and understanding of Fr. Heng, Fr Colin and my fellow novices, I have lived the religious life very well. All these months have been a time of grace, growth and challenges. I have had many new experiences of God – in prayer, studies and community living – which have helped me deepen my relationship with Him. However, the most precious and fulfilling experiences I had were during Sunday apostolate when I was out serving the needs of others and bringing Christ to them. My religious life also deepened during the pastoral experiments, where I was tested in my vocation, through serving the aged and the terminally ill, and through working with migrant workers and living with them. Although I faced many difficulties and challenges, God was always present guiding and forming me in my vocation.

I am most grateful to God for never forsaking me and for continuing to lead me daily. In all that I have shared, I can now say with a deep conviction that it is in the Society of Jesus that I finally found my true self – the person that God so much wants me to become.

Bro Jerome Leon, nSJ

Holy Hour to pray for Vocations at
Jesuit Loyola Novitiate, Singapore

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